I Hate To Love You
by Dancing Matryoshka
Summary: Allen Loves someone, but he's too scared. The person Allen loves. Decides to confess. But Allen rejects Why? He too scared. Laven Slight OOC Teen for safety reason. Angst. AU
1. Its All Painful

Hey! Im back to do more stories this time its a Laven one! Though it will be dark since i love angst. Though I promise there will be fluff later!~ So Moving on!

* * *

Its All Painful

* * *

_Love_

* * *

Dose he love me?

Dose he not?

Can I love anymore?

Or can I not?

I can no longer decide, no more. The reason? A certain red head stole it. My emotions, my love, my memories, my soul,

My heart.

All of it.

"Hey! Allen-kun!" I jolt my head out of my daze. A pretty girl stands beside me with her long hair dangling beside her. Her face pouting with a slight worried look in her eyes, her arms crossed as if she had enough of attempting of getting my attention.

"Oh Lenalee-san… um you called?" I ask politely sheepishly smiling.

"Allen-kun are you getting a fever? " She placed her hand on my forehead her face still pouting. I swatted the hand away gently, just giving her a small smile saying that "Everything okay." She pouts not believing me.

You see my smile? This very smile. Its fake like falling in love with someone just to get there money. Now don't get me wrong, it's not like I hate Lenalee-san. Only because I'm not in the greatest mood and a certain voice made it even worse.

"Aww beansprout-chan don't be so grumpy! ~ Its almost the end of the day~" I scowl and turn my head to face with emerald eyes.

"No it isn't, it's the middle of the day. Before lunch too." I pointed out while Lenalee sweat dropped. Meet Lavi he the memorizer in our group, born with a photographic memory. So he had seen many things, good stuff and bad. We don't ask about it much though. His wild red hair sat on his head eye emerald while the other covered by an eyepatch.

"Wow Allen why are you so grumpy today" He poked my cheeked much to my annoyance. I sighed, and continued to look out the window. Lavi gave up on getting my attention and talked with Lenalee instead. I seemed to have dozed off, because the next thing I knew 6th and 7th period was over and Kanda was sitting right in front of me.

"Hey short stack." He glared down at me, giving him the same treatment. Kanda the biggest pretty boy and "No mercy" kendo guy you can ever meet. His long hair always in a ponytail, eyes always glaring and lips always in a scowl as if everyday will be bad as the next and could continue on being worse.

"What do you want?" I glared straight into his eyes, scowling back at him. He only stared at me for a couple seconds. He opens his mouth and said these words that made me jolt.

"Your still in love aren't you?" His eyes discontinued the glaring his eyes now more calm and less murderous. I only turned my eyes away nodding my head hesitatingly. He only sighed. Kanda despite how much he can be a jerk, he knew all of my secrets. All of them, me in love with a certain someone. My hand my eye. Even My foster father.

"Its hurts doesn't it?" Kanda asked kindly which I never thought that would ever come from him. I still couldn't reply. I stayed still. Waiting for the silence to be broken, the good part was it was broken by the school bell. Kanda sighed and resumed his glaring. He waved good bye before leaving. I got my books and started going home. Until I bump into something and fell flat on my butt books scattered everywhere. A blur of red come in my vision after it cleared up a little bit. It was him. It was Lavi.

"Oh beansprout-chan!" he grinned his usual grin while I looked away. I squatted down to pick my books, he did the same picking them with his usual grin. I felt his eyes stare at me, I glanced up but looked away quickly.

"Sorry bout that Allen~" he stick his tongue out casually unaware of how I was acting.

"Hey Allen…" his grin faded I looked up and saw that his eyes had turned serious.

The he asked something that shocked me something that I never wanted to hear. Ever.

"I love you." He said it so casually so calm, it made me want to run. And so I did.

* * *

Thank you for reading! I need lots of review to motivate myself :D ever since school started I been really busy with Homework so please bear with me! Also im sorry this chapter is a tad bit short but i though it was good for now. Give lots of reviews and i might make it longer. Will see :]

Next Chapter: Don't Runaway.

* * *

Allen: uhh Please give reviews to out author so she wont be be dead and no longer happy with her dark life..ah by the way Kanda wrote this...

Kyu (which is me (HI)): PLEASE REVIEW~ oUo


	2. Its All A Dream?

**Sorry for the long wait Dx i was banned from the computer for quite awhile... As of Allens' past it will be explain later on, for now you will get to read of the entering of Marian Cross (of course if indirectly :P)**

**Allen: Why is this story so dark?**

**Kyuu: Because intensity is the best kind of genre!**

**Allen: *sigh* Anyway I guess im going to read the card she gave me. **

**Kanda: *swipes card***

**Allen: Hey!**

**Kanda: Shut up Bean Sprout!**

**Allen: *takes back card***

**Kanda: *takes card out of hand***

**Allen: Please!**

**Kanda: Enjoy!**

**Allen: Chapter!**

**Lavi: TWO!~**

**Kanda and Allen: Get out of here you Dumb Rabbit!**

* * *

Chapter 2,

_I ran, I ran, and far as my legs could take. My eyes began to water, but I didn't care. I'm not supposed to care. Yet why? Why? _

After that I didn't go to school, I stayed in my shaggy apartment all the time. Lenalee tried to call me but I only told her I was fine, which I wasn't. It was like that for the rest of the week. Not leaving my apartment, only staring at the ceiling wanting to see if I could stare long enough that it would break and crush me along with it. It was already Saturday, meaning I really needed to go to work. Having to pay that stupid landlord, the landlord was an unusual guy you can say. He would be a guy who gets all this money and uses it for stupid things like beer and other luxurious stuff he could get. Of course the free money he gets is from not from him at most. He gets them from me I had to live in an expensive apartment even though it's shabby. He needs money, I need a roof, so he gets it and I get mine. The one thing that made him stand out the most is his red hair, red long hair that was as long as half of his torso. Cross Marian, Mary if you want to die young.

I changed out of my pajamas, and into my favorite clothes. I wore Simple jeans, a red shirt and my black and white jacket, which has a star on the back. As I came into work I was greeted with a nice kind lady's Voice, Miranda Lotto. A timid, shy woman, she quite clumsy and always saying "I'm so sorry!" or "Sorry Sorry!" and bowed so many times there would've been enough bows for **two** lifetimes. She smiled at me so I had to smile back, which I just noticed I hadn't done in awhile. I work at a quiet café, selling cakes and serving tea. People would usually be reading a book taking sips of their tea every few pages. Or working on homework or some sort of thing on there laptop. I enjoy it really because this place they didn't care if I had white hair, or if there was some weird scar of my right eye. I felt safe, like a child in there loving mother arms after a nightmare.

"Order up!" a cherry voice ringed, Jerry. My most favorite chef, tell him anything kind of food you want and he'll make it. Dango's, parfait, steak, you name it. He gave me a plate with small tea and a simple chocolate cake decorated with strawberries and whip cream.

"Hey Allen dear~ It's for table 6. Be careful though he kind of creepy." Jerry whispered with his "I will always be Happy" voice. I looked at the table he was Jerry was talking about, indeed the guy was creepy. He had this weird look in his eyes like he was hungry, like he was tempted to jump and devour them. Just like a spider, a spider waiting for it prey. Weird messy black hair wanting to be noticed, hungry eyes colored of hazel nuts.

"Here you go sir, I hope you enjoy your time here." I smiled polity placing the tea and cake on the table. He didn't say anything he only nodded, while I had served the other guests I felt him stare at me the entire time. Glancing every so often, he stayed at the café for quite an amount of time. He left eventually though, for which I was glad for.

It was time to go leaving my safe happy sanctuary, and going back to reality, cruel reality. I sighed, completely unaware of what's about to happen. I said goodbye to Miranda, and Jerry and walked the rest home. It was late at near seven, so I needed to get back and give my landlord the money soon, or else everything would have been thrown out. Literally there would be boxes everywhere on the front port filled with belongings of others who didn't pay there on time.

While I walked home, I heard something snap behind me. I turn around quickly but saw nothing there.

_Must be my imagination…_

I continued walking down home, but I always keep hearing a snap, then another snap.

_Snap Snap Snap._

I was beginning to worry for my own self being, but I was close to my safe home. I was so close; I could've seen it right in my sights. If only someone hand didn't get grab my face and pulling me in the opposite direction.

My eyes widened and I began to struggle. No avail, he held on to me easily. I couldn't get out of his grip. I looked up to see his face, his eyes were hazel only they were brighter and yellow like a cats. He pushed me down on the hard concrete floor, topping over me. What made my day even better was when he began ripping off my jacket along with my shirt, completely exposed. I struggled even more desperate, but his hands had pinned mine down making me unable to move. He bit down on my skin, and I gasped. I started to cry, I bit my lip so hard it started bleeding.

"Now little boy, don't hold it in. I want to hear you." His voice was piercing enough to break someone heart out in a flash, he began dragging his tongue on to my torso my face felt redder then before. I couldn't get out, I couldn't do anything only scream.

"Now now boy, you don't want to die do you?" Something felt sharp on my neck, and I stopped my struggling and screaming. Biting my lip, I closed my eyes tight. I hated this, I hated this, I absolutely hated this.

"..vi…"

"Oh? What's this?" His creepy voice made me terrified. I need to scream his name, one last time, just once more.

"La…vi" I could my own voice failing me, but it didn't stop me from calling his name, the one I truly did love.

"LAVI!" I scream as loud as they could ever take, but I knew even if I yell his name. He would never come, he would never love me.

"Allen!"

_Ah…I'm hallucinating. _

"Get away from him you sick bastard!"

_How strange, the voice is so familiar. _

"Haha~ so the young kitten gets a hero, cute." I could hear his voice ever so piercing like shards of glass.

"I guess I will see you again Boy~." His voice was fading, like he was going away.

"Allen! Allen!" He sounds just like Lavi, I must be dreaming.

_Of course this is just a dream, a nightmare. _

The something warm was wrapping me completely; I could feel the man shaking hard, like a scared child. This is a dream, why am I feeling all of this? But somehow….something fell. I didn't even notice, I was crying. I tried stopping them, but they continue to fall even faster and faster. Then I basically gave up, I continued to cry into the man chest, chocking between sobs. I was shaking, hard.

"I'm sorry Allen, I'm so sorry!" He hugged me tighter, and I hugged his necked crying into his neck.

After a long embrace, I had lessened my shaking but was still terrified. I looked at his face, familiar red hair familiar green eyes.

"L..La-Lavi?" My eyes widen, as I looked at his emerald eyes I could see sadness, exhaustion, he cupped my both of my cheeks. His face was beginning to come closer and closer to mine. I didn't move, I couldn't move.

_And our lips met._

**end of Chapter two! Hope you enjoyed!~ And can any you guess who the rapist is?~ It should be easy though :P So anyway please wait until the next Chapter. **

**Kanda: Hey! Give reviews of I'll beat you down with my Mugen!" **


End file.
